Earlier this year, my absurdly stylish and smart fairy godmother told me that in relationships that truly matter, in the big picture, there should be no reservations nor doubts in my mind; though things will never be perfect in any relationship, it doesn’t mean that there should be uncertainty. And tonight I saw the light. #wwmdd
Like many beings trying to find meaning and happiness in life – I have been struggling a lot with a number of uncertainties, and I have come to realize it’s because I am a “creation-perv”: I want to touch all of the parts… in creating things that I find meaning in. Before you get creeped, hear me out…
#anecdote-alert: I’ve always been passionate about fashion. I taught myself how to sew as a kid, and after college – in lieu of taking on $300k in debt for matriculation into the Masters program I was looking into – I spent months working at a small sweatshop in Nha Trang, Vietnam to learn the technical fundamentals of patternmaking and garment construction. And while working in Vietnam, I learned the skills that I’d sought out to, spent time with relatives, enjoyed some dank food….ROI, baby.
The light, this night in August:
While heading home after dinner, listening to Taylor Swift, I realized something:
I would not want to design something without knowing how to create the pattern for it, and I would not want to create a pattern for something without knowing how to construct it myself; because having to rely on others to architect and build things I’ve designed with so much of my own blood, sweat, and tears would feel so much less meaningful. I want to touch all of the parts.
This is not to say that I’m necessarily a control-freak. I believe in and understand the values of the division of labor, specialization, and collaboration, and I do not necessarily want to do all of the things, let alone do them myself. But I need to know how. Because then perhaps I could do it – or at least communicate those segments to others, as impassioned as I am, about specifics part of the creation process. And this is where I realized this evening where so much not-rightness, doubtfulness, and uncertainty has been bubbling up for me.
I so deeply value all of the parts that lead individuals along the path of creating – turning ideas into realities, and I believe that in order to most effectively communicate details following deep ideation is to understand all of the pathways through architecture and construction.
So then I went home and practiced my if else loops.
xo, bye Felicia.